Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Restroom Fun

Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Ok ladies, Serenity did a funny post last week that had me in tears. I received this email below and have not stopped laughing. I just had to share it with you. The funny thing is...it is so true!

When you visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so You smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check Forfeet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.


You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has Been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the Modern'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but Empty.You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, But thereisn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your Neck, (Mom wouldturn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), Yank down your pants,and assume ' The Stance.'


In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the Seator lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you Discoverto be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can Hear yourmother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the Seat, you wouldhave KNOWN there was no toilet paper!'


Your thighs shake more.


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the Onethat's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, That now,you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the Same time). Thatwould have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way Possible. It's stillsmaller than your thumbnail.


Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.The door Hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your Chest,and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the Toilet.'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping Your precious,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your Footingaltogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is Wet ofcourse. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life Formon the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - Not thatthere was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know That your motherwould be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're Certain her barebottom never touched a public toilet seat because, Frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could Get.'


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so Confusedthat it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose Against theinside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that Covers your buttand runs down your legs and into your shoes.


The flush Somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the Emptytoilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.


At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the Wettoilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper Youfound in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks


You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic Sensors,so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk Past theline of women still waiting.


You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the Veryend of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from Your shoe.(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, You just might need this.'


As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and Leftthe men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and Why isyour purse hanging around your neck?'

6 comments:

Ace

I've seen that before! I'm not that anal though, I've heard there are more and worse germs other places anyway.

ben and erin

haha... that's hillarious. i'm not that anal either. and i ususally check for toilet paper! what grosses me out the most is when the toilet isn't flushed.

Serenity

LMAO...I needed this today! I can say I am not that anal either however I do always check for toilet paper and I to use the "stance" when I am in public :o)

Jenn(ifer)

Omg! LMAO!!!!!!

Aunt of 14

I've read this before and it just gets funnier as you get older!!! :) LOL

Belle's Blog

I m up late ... couldnt sleep ..... laughing so loud I just might wake up everyone !

 
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