A Test

***FYI THIS WILL BE A LONG POST

I know I have posted about money problems before but I cant find that post so I cant link back to it. Sorry! But as most people are living we are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, its because of the economy. We just have so much going out and not enough coming in. I have been completely stressed about it. That too is another reason I started selling Mary Kay...for the extra money. My stress level has been massive lately because we just dont have the money to pay some of the bills. I have cut everything that I can...we no longer have a phone line at our house we use our cell phones. We dont even have the internet (at least that we actually pay for). So yes, I have been stressed out.

However, I am very independent and strong willed. I hate to ask for help on anything. When I pray, I pray for the little things, I just have never really included God in on our financial problems. Well we are hitting rock bottom and I finally gave it over. I prayed the other night to for Him to take my stress...I gave it all to Him. I am not going to worry myself sick about this...I mean I am honestly doing the best that we can and its not like I sit on my butt everyday and not work. Afterwards I prayed I felt immediate relief...it was amazing. It literally felt like someone lifted something off my shoulder. I dont know why I have to be so stubborn and think that I can do everything myself when I know I cant.

So yesterday I knew that Kevin got paid so I checked my balance in the bank so I could start paying my bills. Well I know what Kevin normally gets paid and I was shocked to see that there was hardly anything in the bank. It showed that his normal amt was deposited but my available balance was way off. So I gave the bank a call. They infomed me that a garnishment had been put on our banking acct for a past medical bill and they froze our checking account. So basically his check was in the bank but they froze my account. I have no access to the money at all. Our debit cards were even cancelled! Like I said we live paycheck to paycheck so we dont even have savings right now. So we have no money to fall back on. The thing that gets me is this is court ordered...but Kevin and I knew nothing about it getting this far. I will tell you we knew about the bill and we had paid on it just not all of it. However, when all of this started going on with the economy and gas being $4 a gallon we had to stop paying this bill. We thought it more important to pay our necessary bills (house, car, gas & food). So I am sure you can imagine my reaction when I found all of this. I was in my car driving down the road on the phone with the bank. I just cried and cried. Crying is my way of letting off steam. I dont do it often but when I do look out! While I was getting my crying done it immediately came to me that I "handed" this over to God. So I prayed and prayed (eyes open since I was driving lol) on what I needed to do. God told me there was nothing I could be do...it has already been done. He told me he would provide for us and I truely beleived that...how I didnt know but I knew He would.

I got myself back together and headed back to work...I felt better but still was thinking about what I was going to do. I could as my parents for money...but I would rather die because my dad would give me a 2 hour lecture on paying my bills and saving my money. I didnt want to hear that but in the end it was an option. Asking Kevin's parents was out of the question. Now that his mom has retired they are on a very tight budget and from what I am understanding lives somewhat like us. I could sell some Mary Kay...I could but it would have to be a lot to get us what we needed...still an option though. I am selling it but havent been able to fully concentrate on it because of VBS this week. I thought and prayed on that all day. I kept getting the answer of "Not to worry, God will provide." So I was content with that at least for a little while.

To add to it Kaylyn was sick with a high fever yesterday so I had to leave work early and take her to the doctor. I will post about that later on. On the way home my MIL called to see if I was going to stop by to get Kaylyn's stuff. I told her I would. She also told me she was going to give me a little bit of money. She told me that Kevin had asked her for about $75 so that we could at least get some gas and basically nothing a few things from the grocery store. So I went by and got everything for Kaylyn and she handed me a folded up check. I stuck it in my pocket and told her thank you and Kaylyn and I left. Later last night as I was getting my things ready for today I sat down and was going to make out the deposit slip (I have another acct open at another bank for my MK business so I was going to use so I could use the debit card to get gas & groceries ...I seem to spend cash faster than anything) so I could run by and deposit it the next day (today). I never looked at the check when it was given to me so when I did I was amazed at the amt. Kevin asked for about $75 for the what nots that I previoulsy mentioned...well the amt of the check was for more than Kevin's payroll check. I thought to myself and I went to Kevin and asked how much did you ask for. He told me the $75 and asked why. I showed him the check and he went and got his phone and we called his mom. We told her there was no way we could accept that much and especially since they didnt have it to give. She told us not to worry about it that they had gotten a really good tax return and that amt should help us stay on our feet (& it will). We thanked her and hung up. I sat down and started thinking...in the back of my mind I just kept hearing "He will provide, He will provide." I knew that in my mind at least this was a test of my faith. I admit it was hard & rocky but we will get through it and I have only God to thank for that!